Time Out
by Aietradaea
Summary: Inspired by Irony-chan's "A Mary Sue Alphabet". For anyone tired of clichés, Mary Sues and overused ideas in online Doctor Who fandoms. No offense meant to anyone - it's all in fun.


**Disclaimer:** Don't own Doctor Who. :(

This poem was inspired by Irony-chan's "A Mary Sue Alphabet" in the Harry Potter fandom, which I _strongly_ recommend! (The poem, that is, not the fandom.)

This is my own take on the alphabet poem idea, basically poking fun at clichés, Mary Sues and overused ideas specific to the Doctor Who fandom. I'm not targeting anyone - everything referred to is totally generic stuff that I've seen around. And yes, I know I'm probably guilty of a few myself, and I fully admit to that, so please don't PM me and point out where my own fics fall into these traps! Also, please don't be offended by any coincidental resemblance to anything you've written. It's all in fun - just have a laugh.

* * *

A is for AU, a parallel world  
Where Ten was saved thanks to a mystery girl  
But her plot's naught but fluff  
And we've all had enough  
Before it's begun to unfurl

B is for brains, which even the Doctor  
Seems to have lost - poor Rose, he forgot her  
When up stepped a Time Lady  
Who made me think 'maybe  
There's a reason the editors chopped her'

C is for canon - all things Doctor Who  
Are there on the net, and it's long overdue  
That someone had a look  
Before they went and took  
A shot at Four, Three or Two

D is for Daleks, those fiendish machines  
Who fly around and exterminate things  
But what? They're not robots?  
Uh-oh - must've forgot  
All but one or two of their scenes.

E is for the End of Time  
But no-one could bear to see Ten go and die  
Then along came Eleven;  
After episode seven  
All those fics were abandoned - guess why!

F is for fighting, but did you forget  
The Doctor's a Time Lord - he hasn't quite yet  
Got the hang of karate  
And where's his morality  
When you've written him in an action-flick set?

G is for giveaways - spoilers for free  
Keep it to yourself - I don't want to see  
How Saxon was shot  
Or who Amy forgot  
In the first line of your summary

H is for Harry...and Harry, oh dear!  
They both end in "S", the distinction's not clear  
One was with Sarah Jane  
And the other's insane  
But they're both interchangeable here

I is for inserts, and doesn't it seem  
To get rather repetitive when every scene  
Leads us to believe  
With little reprieve  
That the author's just writing their dream

J is for Jack, who seems often to be  
An excuse to put the rating to T  
But you could have a K  
If you'd just let him stay  
How he is when on family TV

K is for Koschei, now known as the Master  
If Sue's not his daughter, then don't put it past her  
To have stolen his hearts  
In the space of two parts  
Of a fic - could it go any faster?

L is for loneliness. Drabbles and angst  
Are full of it these days, but given a chance  
To add their Mary Sue  
Very soon, Doctor Who  
Has turned into a fantasized romance

M is for morbid - 'cause everyone's dead!  
Gallifrey's gone, and there's drums in my head!  
Yeah, it's layered on thick  
"Just end it all, quick!"  
That's probably what the beta should have said

N, the notations, are getting bizarre  
"hot!blond!emo!Master" is going too far  
If they're too OOC  
And way OTT  
Then nobody will R&R

O, that original character who  
Is shrouded in mystery, nobody knew  
That she left Gallifrey  
And one ordinary day  
Encountered the Doc- Hey! Who said "Mary Sue"?

P is for poetry - songfics and prose  
Do something original - anything goes!  
'Cause if you just rewrite  
And your plot is too light  
That's what everyone already knows

Q is for quests! Adventure and mystery!  
Sci-fi, suspense and aliens! Because, you see,  
There's nothing wrong  
With having some fun  
And not trying to change Whoniverse history

R, the reunion of Rose and the Doctor  
Done so many times - is there nothing can stop her  
From breaking with canon  
To get with her man on  
The basis he unfairly dropped her?

S is for slash, and that's fine  
(But you won't ever see it in mine)  
Just before they get past  
The first base too fast  
Please give their relationship time!

T is for Tennant and Russell T Davies  
With John Simm, who's given new meaning to crazy.  
Reusing their lines  
Twenty-five times  
Is when writing becomes rather lazy

U is for Ushas, with Koschei and Thete  
An Academy fic where the Time Tots all meet  
Got the names from a Wiki  
And no-one's too picky  
As long as you're giving them fluffy and sweet

V is for villains, who've always been  
Part of the series since '63  
But to write them, you've got  
To have thought of a plot  
They're not just there for setting the scene

W - Wolf, and a Bad one at that  
Was a past story arc that keeps coming back  
A convenient way  
At the end of the day  
To give a reunion a hack

X-rated romance and smut can be read  
Into every line that the characters said  
But it shouldn't be seen  
Rated under eighteen  
In fact, some should just stay in your head

Y is for YOU, the writer, the author  
Inside your own fic, you're the Doctor's new daughter  
Who's still stuck in school  
And you've made your own rules  
About why you're half Time Lord, or quarter

Z is for Zaphod from Hitchhiker's Guide  
And here's Vader, and Potter, and Bonnie and Clyde!  
All the crossovers start  
By repeating that part  
From the ep where the Cybermen rise

* * *

**By Aietradaea**


End file.
